Me: How many kids is ideal to have?
Abuela: Two is enough.
Me: How much jelly did you make this year?
Her: I no maka much..I only make a case….never make grape jelly and leave-a da tea on.
Me: How long are you going to live?
Her: Until God take-a me, I’m gonna be here. After? You do whatchu want with the house. I”ll be going up or I’ll be going down. I hope up.
Me: Did you have a bunch of people over for your birthday?
Me: Do you like Obama?
Abuela: NO. He don’t do nutting. STINK.
Abuela: He no helpy either. I don’t like em..any of ’em, Why? You like-a him? This president: stunk. He no helpey the poor.
Me: Do you think the world is gonna end ?
Abuela: NO. It’s never gonna end. Nothin’ gonna happen. I’ll be dead then anyway. Every year they say that. Nothing happens.
You can’t be afraii. Something happen? Up to God.
Me: Are people crazier more now than before?
Me: They tried to pass a bill to allow doctor assisted suicide, so if you’re terminally ill, a doctor can give you a pill to take you out early? How do you feel about that?
Abuela: No. it’s not legal.
Me: Marijuana is legal in some states now. How do you feel about that?
Abuela: I never take it. I don’ wanna taste nuthin’ of the dope. Why u wanna take-a the junk?
You took it befo’?
Abuela: It make-a you crazzeee? I no take-a NUTTING. NO GIVE ME NUTTING.
Me: Did you guys have therapy back in the day?
Abuela: NO. It was better befo’. You dunno what happen to you, but now they tell-a to you. They say– this is gonna happen to you. Then you have to wait. I don’t tell nothing my business. NO PRIVACY. What joo no know don’t hurt you. Don’t worry ’bout it.
Abuela: You got a boyfran now?
Me: I got 5 now, Abuela. I’m trying to diversify.
Abuela: Which one u like-a the most?
Me: The guy who’s draggin’ his feet.
Abuela: Why you listen to him? Listen, you wanna man who gonna take-a you OUT, take-a you to eat, take-a you to the show, take-a you places.
Me: Yes. I would like to go shopping.
Abuela: But if he take-a you shoppin’, you gotta go in the bed.
Me: Abuela, should you settle for a boring guy?
Abuela: You not gonna talk
Me: I’d like a trip too
Abuela: Listen, you tell-a to him. Jus’ ask him. You wanna go? Go have the trip!
You need-a give the sex though. Give it or no boyfriend. No man do nothing for nothing today.
Me: Should a woman ask a man out?
Abuela: He got the money? He should take you out for suppah. You need to find a guy with a lot of money.
Me: Where do i find those?
Abuela: You look at those guys on the computer. I dunno. I no want no man no more.
You’ve got questions for ‘Buela? Submit. She MIGHT answer you. She does what she wants.