Adventures In Online Dating: Advice for Boss Divas
I’m still young enough to rock purple hair and an accent nail. “I’m 30 — -blah, blah, blah,” in the words of Titus Andromedon. I’m pursuing my dreams. I eat right, exercise and I think I’m pretty cool. I’mmaaaa divvaaaa. I even go to therapy for the non-cool stuff, but seriously, what gives with online dating these days?
Recently, I had a friend reenact an online date she went on and it went something like this: The guy was married, but held off on the married part until the end of the date. Another guy called himself the “Cougar Hunter.” Yet another guy had a weird fetish I won’t even get into.
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
There are a ton of divorcés out there — the market should be prime, but there’s just a bunch of crazies out here (both male and female). I know it. You know it. We all know it. Let’s stop pretending. The ol’ “testing the waters” routine when all you want is something purely physical — I’m over it. You don’t go to a restaurant and pretend to be interested in the filet mignonette when all you want is the crazy fries. C’mon folks. Just order the crazy fries and stop wasting everyone’s time.
I’m just at a critical point in my life where I have zero time for that. ZERO. And yes, I’d probably be unnerved by someone telling me all they wanted was the sexual equivalent of crazy fries (and I don’t even know how I feel about that metaphor anymore myself) but at least you’re being transparent so I know what I’m working with.
Even the soundest spiritual practice will have you running for cover with the online dating scene these days. You could run up a serious tab (literally) trying to find the “one”. It’s that constant filtration that leaves you feeling soiled and rotten like a dirty, air purifier. I have friends that average three to five online dates a week and they are completely exhausted. I don’t care what someone writes up in their profile or looks like in their pictures. It’s work and time and A LOT of precious energy and you’re not even into the relationship part yet.
Of course, a lot of us have tall orders: no smoking, no hentai porn, can’t drink pepsi, can’t drink, decent job, bajillionaire, well-connected, loves his/her Mama, social, meditates, cries, can fix cars and garbage disposals.
Of course, I’m exaggerating mildly. None of us is perfect. Not everyone can build a rodent-resistant bird feeder with a jar, some string and a pair of pliers. We all have to compromise at some point. The person might be exceptional, save for the one thing that will drive you completely insane. We all have the “one thing” — -maybe we have a few things. My point is that it’s give and take. And some of us have to decide how much we can give and how much we can take.
And if you are a person who tends to either give too much or take too much, relationships are going to be difficult. We all have to continue to work on ourselves or we will have nothing to bring to the relationship.
Even good friendships are hard to come by these days. People are overworked, stressed, and beaten down. It’s hard enough to find refuge from the constant sensory overload, let alone cultivate a healthy, nurturing relationship. And try doing it online? LORT. JESUS. HALP.
But one thing I’ve been blessed to notice is that if you’re in the right flow mentally, you will attract the right people. You’ll find your cluster. Albeit, small at times, you will find them.
So it’s with that hope that I’m letting the universe do the work for me. I think that’s always the best way. In other words, I’m gonna keep doing me and move to Europe and I’m also way overdue for a new, gay bff.
What are your thoughts on online dating? The suggestion box is open! Go queens, GO!