vəˈräɡō/: a woman of strength or spirit; a female warrior.
Insecure HBO
Insecure HBO

Twelve Signs You’ve Probably Been In A Relationship Too Long

  1. You dread going to bed because you know it’s going to be an all-out holy war on the the sheet/blanket game.

Goodnight, honey. I love you, too.

2. You demand that your partner brush his teeth before, during and after sex. Also, it’s good if he showers too. Maybe shaves. But now that process is taking too long so you’re gonna just nix it and go to bed.

3. You RSVP to a party together, but at the last minute you have a: “Yeah, it’s okay…why don’t you just go?” moment because you want to stay home and organize your underwear.

4. You only find your partner sexually attractive in formal wear and even then, your brain finds something wrong with their appearance and it is mostly that they resemble their mothball-smelling mother whom you can’t stand.

5. Spontaneity is now deciding whether or not you’re going to watch the season premier of Game of Thrones or Insecure.

6. Ordering in is a BIG deal. Doughy, meat-covered pizza is now your relationship conduit.

7. You’re walking to Whole Foods and your partner interrupts your thought to remind you the electric bill is overdue. Now you’re both stopped in the middle of the sidewalk addressing “poor communication skills” for the one-millionth time.

8. A trip to Whole Foods constitutes a night out. Picking out a suitable mango becomes a major life stressor complete with deep sighs.

9. Rick Steves, the travel Guru, is starting to look pretty damn hot and you’re fantasizing about what he might do to you in a castle in Scotland, when suddenly your partner violently clears his sinuses.

10. There’s a “chores list” on the fridge.

11. You got a dog in hopes of solidifying your rickety relationship and now even the dog hates you.

12. You’re reading this.

About Kristen Demesilda

Kristen Demesilda
Writer and Photographer for Virago Magazine, Kristen grew up listening to vinyl and highlighting the dictionary. Her work has appeared in IrockJazz.com, The East Harlem Journal, Boston's Culturehive, the Ithacan and other publications. Her love of music cannot be eclipsed by her love of words. She's been coined the "Akira Kurosawa of Blogs" by such people as herself. An aspiring musician, she has a serious penchant for peach-flavored anything, multi-tasking, slow-paced thrillers and dreams of going back to South America, laying on the beach, and drinking from a coconut.
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